And things were going so well lately. In fact, I had a trigger a few days ago that I handled really well. Her uncle called me, and it was her uncle's BiL that we hired as a Realtor out of familial loyalty. The BiL referred us to the eventual AP (pocketing a referral fee I am sure for absolutely nothing).
So I don't like being reminded of that whole side of the family, even though what happened was not their fault, and the uncle nor his wife's brother have any idea about any of it.
But I was able to not let this ruin my week. I had a healthy attitude, and was able to remember that this was nearly 20 years ago, that I don't have to react to the triggers, and I can just move along in life.
But moments ago my wife and I had an argument about the D-Day. As a reminder, D-day was less than a week before our wedding. I was in shock, and went through with the wedding anyway. My wife tonight brought up that she feels I still punish her by having a bad attitude from time to time, and that I refused to have a honeymoon back then, and if I feel differently now she would like to know.
I said that sure I would go traveling with her, and I don't remember that I refused to go on a honeymoon, but that would seem like a natural consequence of what happened. "what do you think should have been the consequence?"
She hit the roof. She was right back to how it has been 20 years, and she will never be able to redeem herself in my eyes, and blah blah blah.
It's completely irrational of her to believe that there should have been zero consequences. I own, and owned to her, the fact that I rugswept so poorly in the first ten years that it resulted in a slow burn gaping wound that actually caused MORE consequences for both of us than if we would have dealt with it appropriately right away.
ANd I chose to reconcile and build a life with her, and should not treat her poorly. But that is not the same as saying there should have been no consequences.
Thanks for letting me vent.
