SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Still cannot help to feel I miss WS, even though WS had put me through so much.

I felt no closure. WS was not transparent about how their thought process work and I ended up doing lots of emotional leaning in work.

Then the WS was claiming they were emotionally exhausted, during just 6 months of reconciliation attempt.

I hate myself from still feeling something, still feeling the pain, the loss, the betrayal and struggling to move on.

The WS said they won't be able to give me closure etc.

Every time I felt better communication with the WS, then after WS and AP met, everything changes again.

All of sudden, I've reach clarity. WS loves and chose the AP. That's it. There isn't anything I could have done differently that would change the course of things.

Glad you had that epiphany, as painful as it is.. And honestly, he may not love her. But he DID chose her.
So now you start moving forward and start healing.

Be kind to yourself today. You are strong and you will be okay. (((Hugs)))

Thank you so much for your kind words!

If they really wanted our family, they would have chosen differently.

Instead, they chose the AP. Not only that, they seemed to have no shame, no remorse, no guilt, of their choice and how their actions had led to the detriment to our kids and myself.

Simply, they didn't care. They seem to be happy and content with where they are, with their choice, they seemed to even be proud.

I think I am being absurd to still expect decency and empathy towards myself.

I realized that any expectation of them, is just me hurting myself.

Given the complexities of the situation, it may be that the cheater just chose the easier option.

The cheater is a coward IMO.

They don’t confront their issues or unhappiness except to use it as a justification to cheat.

They escape from their "boring" life by running off with someone new and "exciting" and don’t see the reality of their situation.

While Reconciliation is a tough road, so is starting a new life with the Affair Partner. They have to now manage the Ex, kids and/or step-kids, alimony, child support, and all that goes along with it.

What they fail to see is the reality of their choice. Relationships that start as affairs have a very low success rate. They are running off with someone (or something) they hardly know. I hope they don’t expect monogamy b/c the AP is a proven liar & cheater too and willing to do whatever it takes to meet their own needs.

And when life gets too hard, one of them will cheat.

So if your STBX chooses the OW, I often think it’s a blessing in disguise because you at least know where you stand. And you can start to heal yourself and stop expecting the cheater is going to do the right thing.

YCHTPL,

I'm so sorry that this is where things wound up for you but it's definitely not your fault.

Why do the spouses that we loved for so long all of a sudden turn into people we don't recognize?
How could they be so oblivious or narcissistic to make a choice that is going to destroy the lives of so many?
How could they rewrite years or decades prior to the affair, just so they can justify it?

Because they're broken.
Stop worrying about what could have been because those days have been burned to the ground.

Just know that it's going to get better way way faster for you because hopefully you've been working on yourself this whole time.

Unfortunately for the wayward, its going to get worse. At some point, they will realize what they've done. They may never admit it to you, but it will be there. And if they never admit it to themselves, then they will ultimately have to face God and witness the destruction they caused when everything is said and done. There is no escape for their consequences.