SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi Everyone,

So about two weeks ago found out my spouse was cheating....for the 2nd time.
1st time was a few years back and was more emotional and sexting no in person interaction ever happened.
This time it was 7 months and physical each time.
We are due to celebrate our 10 year anniversary in a few months but I feel so sick and angry. Not sure what I want either.
It's one thing to mess up once but to do it again feels intentional.
Any advice and or support would be appreciated.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Many of us have been through this. Other people will be along to post soon I am sure. But I wanted to welcome you and encourage you to take exquisite care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual self at this time especially.

Thank you Shehawk.

Welcome to SI, the best club nobody wants to join. So sorry you're here. Infidelity is so very devastating. There are some posts pinned to the top of the forum that we encourage new members to read. There are some unpinned posts with bull's eye icons that are very good, too. The Healing Library is at the top of the site and has a ton of resources.

If you're having issues with depression/anxiety or sleep, you may want to see your doc for some meds. It may help you through the initial phase here. Please also get tested for STDs/STIs, as there are some really nasty diseases out there that can put your health/life at risk.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a trauma-informed therapist can help. My second counselor was a betrayal trauma specialist and was so much more helpful in my healing journey than a talk therapist.

my spouse was cheating....for the 2nd time

This is problematic because it signifies a repeat pattern of behavior. Your WS (wayward spouse) now qualifies for the moniker of a serial cheater. They are showing you who they really are, and serial cheaters are notoriously bad at doing the work to become a safe partner. There is a poster here who told her WH (wayward husband) after his second A (affair) that she was done. He pulled his head out of his a** and did the work to convince her to stay married. This is unusual. So I'm not saying it can't be done, but it is fairly uncommon.

You may wish to see a lawyer or 2-3 to see what D (divorce) would look like. It doesn't mean you have to D, but it will give you knowledge. As the saying goes, knowledge is power.

This may be a good time to reflect. What would you really like? This is so hard.

leafields thank you so much for the response and info.

I was also cheated on 2X by my H.

My biggest mistake was allowing the rug sweeping after the first affair.

Second time around I dud the puck me dance for 6 months and finally realized he really wanted a D.

So when I found out about the false reconciliation during affair 2, I planned to D him and move on.

Luckily he got the message and did a lot of hard work to get me to Reconcile. But it was a very long slow process because for the first 12 months I was still trying to heal myself.

I urge you to get counseling just for you. If your CH wants marriage counseling, I would decline right now. I think you need to focus on you right now. Not him. Not the marriage.

I learned nothing will change if I don’t change. So I learned to stop being a doormat and figured out how to get what I want. Without drama or arguments.